About to go on a holiday with my eldest and somehow it’s started to feel a bit less like a treat and more of a risk. Why is it so hard to actually enjoy going on holiday?

Apparently anticipation is something that makes people happy. very happy. And honestly, I’ve spent months looking forward to this trip, making my sudden last minute nerves, well, unnerving! Part of me is still very excited at the idea of the trip, of the experiences it will bring and the delight of some time spent in the sunshine, on the water. But the other part has also moved onto the reality of around 24 hours spent travelling there, and another 24 hours travelling back. I’m old enough to remember being able to arrive at an airport just 30 minutes before a flight and still manage to make the holiday work.

Maybe I need to learn to love airports more. the queues are never as bad as expected until the one time that they are and the hours ahead of the departure just drag by. Usually there is at least an hour sat in the airport on pretty uncomfortable seats, followed by twelve hours on a very uncomfortable airplane seat. Time drags when travelling by plane. Is there anything fun to do whilst sat in an airport or on a plane?

Maybe I just need to make sure that I’ve downloaded enough music or maybe some podcasts.

It doesn’t help that the airlines at the moment keep messing about with the flight schedule. I can understand why – they need to try to keep things profitable and people are cancelling all the time because of covid. When they moved my connecting flight in Dallas to 16:55 ie 10 minutes before my flight actually arrived at the airport, it did seem a bit daunting. The agent has now re-routed me through Los Angeles but it made for an uncomfortable couple of days . Memo to self: always check your flights in the rundown to a trip.

The holiday involves a small boat, so my partner has no interest whatsoever but it also involves whales so my eldest just jumped straight into it when offered a chance to come along but now I’m left planning how best to make sure her father isn’t left all on his lonesome for two weeks. Again, my initial excitement at getting away from the everyday (don’t we all want a break some time?) has morphed more into worry about looking after him. I’m booking on-line grocery deliveries, organising activities for him whilst I’m away, trying to keep him busy.

Perhaps to get the most out of holidays it’s best to organise lots of smaller trips to maximise the anticipation and to minimise the schlep of travelling by plane. Even short haul flights seem to drag out for a full day but at least they don’t come with jet lag; something I’m enjoying less as I age. Peak enjoyment of a holiday is supposed to arrive somewhere around day eight. Isn’t this just sometime around the middle when, if you’re having a good time you suddenly realise it’s half-way over.

It does help to keep moving and having something else to look forward towards. Trips which have plenty of arrivals in new places after small enjoyable journeys can feel like great fun.

Experiential holidays are a new and rising part of the holiday market, but not something that our family has really bought into. I like to visit and photograph new places, primarily historical or sites or natural wonders which seems enough of an experience for me – not really into the idea of learning to dive, or cook.

Filling days with pleasurable things seems an obvious holiday plan but too often when the kids were young, a holiday could end up just moving all of the mundane jobs and responsibilities from home (convenient, everything you need in its place) to the seaside (less convenient, rarely everything required, never to hand). We were never interested in kids clubs or all-inclusive resorts but I can certainly see the benefit if you’re a stay at home mum and desperately need some rest and relaxation.

It used to be easier to leave work at home but nowadays technology makes that harder. Leaving the husband at home feels a bit like a return to those days where being on holiday meant leaving the everyday behind.

Part of it is to do with leaving my caring responsibilities behind – he is a grown man and able to look after himself but still there is a surprising amount of emotional labour required to be married to the man. Part of it is the basic facts that the boat does not have wi-fi so we will be literally out of communication with the rest of the world. And now after all of these years becoming accustomed to the internet on tap, that feels less reassuring than daunting.

Finally and most definitely something that I need to remember: the best parts of any trip have always been the planning and being home afterwards to put together the photographs. It is incredibly difficult to really enjoy being in the moment on holiday because everything is new and challenging. The memories of a trip are inevitable shaped by the photographs because they bring very specific memories to the front of our mind.

I love going on holiday. I love coming home.